of absolute neglect and this magnificent blog is still here, amazing.
These blog things are more resilient than dandelions....or a really drunk guy on an electric fence..... which brings me to the cliff hanger from my last entry
Johnny survived his self inflicted ordeal with the Zapper, it seems that the massive alcohol content in his urine ignited on contact with the wires diffusing the voltage down to a non lethal trickle...the doctors called it "tinkle trickle", a medical term that Johnny drops frequently now when trying to convince people that he is a Phd.
Since I had "HIGH VOLTAGE" signs posted in five languages, English, French, Spanish, Squirrel and Pig Latin, the judge dismissed my case on the condition that I remove the Zapper and delete the "Human Weeny Flamethrower" video from YouTube.
He fined me 50 bucks for littering and an open burning ordinance infraction, though for dragging Johnny, still smoking to the curb (actually it was my neighbor Pierre's curb but why quibble, it's only 50 bucks).
This years crop is incredible, and critter free.
Unable to use electricity, I built a 12 foot moat complete with draw bridge and stocked it with a dozen 15 foot sea crocs that I rescued from an Obama-tized bankrupt (pardon the oxymoron) Missouri zoo.
Amazing creatures these crocs, huge, fast, voracious appetites and can hide underwater for hours on end waiting for an unsuspecting wildebeest, zebra or squirrel to test the waters or approach the shore to drink.
Anyway, the garden having no natural predators is thriving like never before, my new (patent pending) fertilizer made of Miracle Grow and croc poop has taken things to a new level. Tomatoes the size of watermelons! Cantaloupes the size of Yugos! String beans you can tow a truck with!
Johnny staggered by this morning, I told him that I had a case of Madd Dogg 20-20 tied to a rope, chilling in the new "pond" and WARNED HIM "don't even think about messing with it while I'm in the house for the next hour and half or more updating my blog! I mean it! "
I should go out and see if he left.
